Nagging and Divorce

Posted on January 26, 2010 in Relationship by little mochi

Nag, nag, nag.  That’s all we women do, right?  Ask my husband.  He knows.  I think he has stopped listening a long time ago.   The things that I asked him to do, he doesn’t do.  I ask, he doesn’t do it.  I ask again.  Nothing.  I tell him to do it.  He ignores me.  I get upset.  I demand it, but now he gets upset.   It goes on and on.  It gets to the point where the things that bothers me grow in scope.  I get more agitated by more things, much more often.    What’s is even worse is the agitated feeling is contagious.  The more upset I get, the more upset he gets.   It’s a never ending vicious cycle.

So let me take a deep breath, close my eyes, and think for a while.  Stop whining.  It has taken a toll on our relationship.  I want to rectify this.  Let’s start anew.  I miss you.  We haven’t talked heart to heart in weeks.  I used to wait for you for dinner so that I can sit by your side to talk about our day.  I leave for work at 4 am, you return at 8 pm so dinnwer would be the only time during the day where we can talk.  So dinner has become the most important meal of the day for me.  It’s supposed to be family time.  But recently, I stopped caring.  Perhaps I gave up?  What’s the point?  You don’t come home until 8 pm (10 pm on some days) anyway.   Wait.  Am I nagging again?

Well, let me explain.   At least this way, you’d know why I was upset last night.  It really hurts me when you call and tell me you’d rather be out with your friends for dinner instead of hanging out with me, your wife.  The wife that does not know how to effectively communicate her frustrations.  The wife that nags you often.  The wife that you get annoyed at.  The wife that wants nothing more than to spend quality time with you, even if it’s only an hour over dinner.

I was already annoyed at my long 3.5 hour ride home last Wednesday night in the storm.  So when you called to tell me you were going to have dinner with your friend, I was horrified.  I was hurt.  For goodness sake, it was already 8:30 pm and I was exhausted.  I just couldn’t rationalize why you wouldn’t want to come home to your wife and kids?  OK.  So, whatever.  I let that go.  But, then that vicious cycle begins.  Everything during the week annoyed me.  And they grow in scope.  And then I nag.  So when you called again last night to tell me that you’d be going out to dinner again, I lost it.  I was upset. I was hurt.

If you are reading this now, please forgive me.  Forgive me for trying to make you into a person that I wanted you to be (hence the nagging).  Forgive me for the silent treatment last night.  Forgive me for yelling at you this morning.  Forgive me for not knowing how to express my anger and frustration.  And please forgive me for being so attached to you.   

Last night, I googled “causes of divorce.”  Among the 5 most common is communication.  Nagging falls under communication, right?  Well, I really don’t want to go down that road.  I also don’t want a listless marriage.  I don’t want to love you or you to love me out of “obligation.” 

So, how about a proposal?  I’ll make it my new year’s resolution to improve my communication skills if you can go out to dinner only on the Thursday nights during the week when I have my Friday off. 

As you said so yourself on Sunday, “We’ll get through this together.”

I love you.



Comments

One Comment to “Nagging and Divorce”

  1. michelle on January 28th, 2010 5:46 am

    Hey, I am totally agree with you. I am facing the same problems. As my husband also dont want to talk. he always think i am nagging him alot. instead i just wan to know what he is think about it. he rather keep it on his own. he said he doesnot know how to tell…:(
    hard to b a good wife ( wat those guys want) prefer to be his gf:P

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