My Pregnancy Depression

Posted on July 2, 2007 in Health & Safety, Relationship by little mochi

It’s no wonder pregnant women go through depression.  I finally understand.

I really didn’t think I was going through it.  I really thought I was just bored out of my mind being home with almost nothing to do.  I eat, sleep, and play Yahoo Literati online.  That’s pretty much my day.  When I’m feeling down, and when my eyes let a tear or two drop, I tell myself that it’s really not depression.  I’m just bored.  In retrospect, I think I was just in denial.

It wasn’t until yesterday that I came to a realization that it was depression.  I cried myself to sleep in the afternoon.  And no one knew.  Not even my husband.  Earlier in the day, my sister said something to me that got me thinking. Later in the day, my husband said something else to me that made me realized that I have been going through a little bit of depression. 

I’ve been wanting to hit the malls or other baby stores just to window shop.  It would make me happy as it would give me something to do.  You know, make my hours of the day go by faster.  And as a bonus, I would be doing a lot of walking – something that is supposed to help your labor come sooner.  Of course, my husband doesn’t trust me going alone, and he hates shopping.  So I rely on my little sister to take me around for a few hours.  The thing is, I have to wait until the weekends because she’s in San Diego so she comes home only on the weekends.  So I wait.  I should’ve known that she doesn’t want to hang out with a pregnant woman.  Who does, right?  She’s got better things to do, like hang out with her own friends.  So even she is reluctant to take me out. 

Sigh.  Two people that I thought I could count on in making me  happy and helping me get my daily exercise in failed me.  OK, fine.  Of course, my husband volunteers reluctantly to take me.  I mean, everytime I ask, he always moans and groans about it and gives me this sour face.  So even if he volunteers, I tell him to forget it.  Why drag him around unwillingly, right?   Why can’t he just put on a fake smile and voluteer?  He knows it will make me happy for the rest of the day AND I wouldn’t be sitting on my ass all day.  (So thank you Mr. Hubby for contributing to my 53 pound weight gain)

Anyhow, yesterday was my aunt’s 70th birthday party and I really didn’t want to go.  I didn’t feel like socializing.  I mean, I am due ANY DAY now.  My sister said to me, “Lately, you’ve been so antisocial.”  She’s right.  I’ve been antisocial. 

Later that day, my husband said to me, “No one wants to hang out with you.”  What a jack ass thing to say, huh?  As if I wasn’t already feeling down. 

That’s when I realized that I am depressed.  Heck, it is boring at home!  And it’s true…I can’t seem to rely on anyone to make me happy.  Not my friends, not my family, not even my husband sometimes.  I feel so alone.

The good thing is, I acknowledge the fact that I am a little depressed.  Now I can watch myself and make sure that I, and I alone, don’t spiral further into the depression mode.  At least I can watch out for postpartum depression later when I give birth. 



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