Relationship : Tips for Moms & Baby Websites

Nagging and Divorce

Nag, nag, nag. That’s all we women do, right? Ask my husband. He knows. I think he has stopped listening a long time ago. The things that I asked him to do, he doesn’t do. I ask, he doesn’t do it. I ask again. Nothing. I tell him to do it. He ignores me. I get upset. I demand it, but now he gets upset. It goes on and on. It gets to the point where the things that bothers me grow in scope. I get more agitated by more things, much more often. What’s is even worse is the agitated feeling is contagious. The more upset I get, the more upset he gets. It’s a never ending vicious cycle.

So let me take a deep breath, close my eyes, and think for a while. Stop whining. It has taken a toll on our relationship. I want to rectify this. Let’s start anew. I miss you. We haven’t talked heart to heart in weeks. I used to wait for you for dinner so that I can sit by your side to talk about our day. I leave for work at 4 am, you return at 8 pm so dinnwer would be the only time during the day where we can talk. So dinner has become the most important meal of the day for me. It’s supposed to be family time. But recently, I stopped caring. Perhaps I gave up? What’s the point? You don’t come home until 8 pm (10 pm on some days) anyway. Wait. Am I nagging again?

Well, let me explain. At least this way, you’d know why I was upset last night. It really hurts me when you call and tell me you’d rather be out with your friends for dinner instead of hanging out with me, your wife. The wife that does not know how to effectively communicate her frustrations. The wife that nags you often. The wife that you get annoyed at. The wife that wants nothing more than to spend quality time with you, even if it’s only an hour over dinner.

I was already annoyed at my long 3.5 hour ride home last Wednesday night in the storm. So when you called to tell me you were going to have dinner with your friend, I was horrified. I was hurt. For goodness sake, it was already 8:30 pm and I was exhausted. I just couldn’t rationalize why you wouldn’t want to come home to your wife and kids? OK. So, whatever. I let that go. But, then that vicious cycle begins. Everything during the week annoyed me. And they grow in scope. And then I nag. So when you called again last night to tell me that you’d be going out to dinner again, I lost it. I was upset. I was hurt.

If you are reading this now, please forgive me. Forgive me for trying to make you into a person that I wanted you to be (hence the nagging). Forgive me for the silent treatment last night. Forgive me for yelling at you this morning. Forgive me for not knowing how to express my anger and frustration. And please forgive me for being so attached to you.

Last night, I googled “causes of divorce.” Among the 5 most common is communication. Nagging falls under communication, right? Well, I really don’t want to go down that road. I also don’t want a listless marriage. I don’t want to love you or you to love me out of “obligation.”

So, how about a proposal? I’ll make it my new year’s resolution to improve my communication skills if you can go out to dinner only on the Thursday nights during the week when I have my Friday off.

As you said so yourself on Sunday, “We’ll get through this together.”

I love you.

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Apologizing to the Woman You Love

Gone are the romantic days of flowers. Gone are the days of chocolates and teddy bears. Gone are the surprise trips that were planned so spontaneously. So it is true. The romance does die after marriage. Heck, I barely even get an apology after an argument anymore.

Gentlemen, why is that?

I hardly argue with my husband. But when we do, we really argue. And his temper…wow. I always try to stay away from him.

I accidentally ran into this article online this morning. I don’t remember how I came across it, but the article warmed my body. If only I can have a man like that!

In the story, the man describes how he just quarreled with his girl. Given the degree of the argument, he thought it was best to buy her a bouquet of flowers. The problem was, his work hours did not permit him to visit the florist as he works too early in the morning. So instead of buying flowers from the florist, he made her a floral bouquet instead – out of short pastry!

Ladies, we all know how we love to compare our men to other more romantic men. So check this short pastry bouquet out! Isn’t it amazing?

For tips on how he made it, visit his site: Short pastry flowers.

Honey, if you’re reading this, I don’t need your apologies. I want a short pastry bouquet, damn it!

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Mother’s Day Conflict

Last year, it was the health spa for 3 hours. This year, it was a facial at Charlie’s Skin Care in La Mirada, CA. My mom and mother in law enjoyed it. The shoulder/arm/neck/head massage was so relaxing that they fell asleep. And they absolutely loved the hot mask.

I wish I had joined them. Afterall, it is my first mother’s day! But I didn’t. With only a few hundred bucks left in our bank account, I thought I could wait on mine.

That was yesterday. I chose to celebrate Mother’s Day on Saturday. Not because every place on Earth would be busy, but because there was going to be a conflict. We decided to celebrate my mom’s birthday on Sunday.

Everything was fine and dandy until I get an email from my brother in law. He wants to have a BBQ in his parent’s backyard with his mom, my mom, AND his girlfriend’s mom on Sunday. Strange set up, but what the heck. Conflict.

If you had to pick one, which is more important: Celebrating mother’s day, or celebrating your mom’s birthday?

This is just one of the few occasions where we have conflicting events. Another big one is our anniversary and my mother in law’s birthday. Or my father’s birthday and father’s day.

What would you do with all these conflicting events?

The best answer I can come up with is to sit down with hubby and decide which holidays to spend where. For example, we can agree to spend mother’s day with his mom on the even years and mother’s day with my mom on the odd years. I think that as long as you both agree, and stick to the schedule, things will work out ok.
The only problem is, where do we find time to be with just hubby and child?

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Little Mochi Breaks Daddy’s Heart

Little Mochi is 9 months old now and still can’t turn over. What he can do, however, is scoot his big fat butt across the floor while sitting up. I guess babies have their own ways of adapting to the environment.

He just got his 9 month immunization shot on Friday. It wasn’t too bad. Just a loud shriek and a few tears this time. He also got a prick on his finger tip to test for his hemoglobin. I guess it’s to measure his iron level. According the Doc, normal is 11 – Little Mochi measured 10.9. Not too bad, right? Then why the heck did the doc tell us to buy Enfamil’s Supplement drops with Iron?

Despite the lack of iron, he is developing quite well, I’d say. When he’s sitting (he has been able to sit on his own for nearly two months now) and wants you to pick him up, he puts both of his hands straight up now. Cries when you walk away, too.

He can’t roll over, and hates being on his belly. But he absolutely loves it when we stand him up, hold him, and walk him around. Actually, he walks us around. He loves the freedom of being able to walk around. As a matter of fact, he thinks he’s Mr. Tough Guy when he’s up and about. Of course, he’s not that tough as soon as I release my hold because he’s right on his tushie again!

But what really breaks his father’s heart is when he reaches his arms out for me when his father holds him. If I don’t hold him, he’ll cry. And when his father grabs Little Mochi back, he’ll cry for me. Do you think he’s getting attached to me?

Uh oh. I’m scheduled to be in SF next week and will be leaving the father with Little Mochi all alone. How is Little Mochi going to handle me being gone for so long since he seems to be attached to me lately. How short of a memory span do 9 month olds have anyway? I don’t want to come home after being away for a week to find that my Little Mochi has forgotten who I am!

Actually, what’s more of a concern is how will my husband be? Will he be able to handle playing both Mom and Dad while I’m gone? I sure hope he doesn’t leave the poor kid in a soiled diaper for more than an hour! Or feed him formula out of his bottle because he doesn’t know how to feed him his oatmeal! Let’s take a poll to see how many times hubbie will call me while I’m in SF!

Any takers?

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Mom and the Sick Baby

I usually get along with my mother. But I never really appreciated the things she has done for me. At least not until recently. Having my mom be there for me for nearly 30 years of my life now, it’s just one of those things that you get comfortable with. Perhaps a little too comfortable to a point where you end up taking her presence for granted.

It wasn’t until I had my son did I come to appreciate all the little things she did for me. Not only is she the best baby sitter for Little Mochi, but she goes the extra mile in taking care of my husband and I as well.

After work, I would drop by her house to pick Little Mochi up. 3 or 4 days of the week, she will have dinner packed for me and my hubby so that I wouldn’t have to worry about when I got home. It’s hectic being a full time working mother! It’s even more hectic when you have two full time working parents! And as any busy parent would agree, finding time to cook a nice meal for two is hard to come by. So those dinners are definitely much appreciated!

Actually, that’s not what I am most appreciative about. Little Mochi has been sick this past week and a half. I don’t know if a nanny, a hired nanny, would have noticed as soon as my mother would have that Little Mochi has the sniffles. Maybe the nanny might have noticed. But would she have cared as much as my mother? She might have simply wetted a washcloth, wiped Little Mochi’s nose, and sit him in front of the TV the rest of the day. She might tell me that he has the sniffles as she is handing him over to me when I come home from work. But who knows?

Even if I trusted the nanny, I’d still be calling her from work every other hour every day of the week to check up on Little Mochi! I don’t even think about calling my mom to check up on her during the day!

My mom has been great. With Little Mochi being so young, I don’t think I would trust anyone else to watch after him, especially when he’s sick. My mom has taken great care to make sure she gives him his cough medicine on time, feeds him when he’s hungry, and changes his diapers as soon as they become dirty.

Most importantly, she gives him the love any baby needs – meaning she doesn’t just let him sit in front of the TV while she does her things around the house. She’ll play with him, talk to him, sing to him, dance with him. All those things that are necessary for growth and development.

So, thank you, Mom for being a great mom and grandmother.

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A New Year’s Resolution

For some reason, making any New Year’s Resolutions is not my thing. To be honest, I don’t think I have ever made one in the past. Why this year is different, I don’t know. Perhaps there are just so many changes in my life in 2007 that I just want to make 2008 an awesome year. So I actually sat down and thought for a few minutes on how to improve my life in 2008. Although already three days into the new year, here are my four resolutions for 2008:

1. Get Organized! In an earlier post, I mentioned me getting more and more absent minded. The fact that my house is a mess, my office is a clutter, there is mail all over the place, laundry that needs to be washed, laundry that needs to be folded, forgotten dates, and all the paperwork left unfiled has left me looking for things such as my keys, my address book, my shoes, etc. Having our mail all over the house has costed me several hundred dollars in late fees and overdraft fees. So it would only make sense that I get organized this year. Using the “new baby” excuse will get old eventually.

So here’s the plan:

Get a Franklin Covey day timer. Actually, get the Franklin Covey and USE IT. Fill it with dates and to do lists. I’m a little old fashioned so using Outlook won’t help. I need to physically write it down. This won’t solve ALL the things, but it’ll be a great start!
Buy organizational products to keep things in order at home.

2. Family. Family is very important to me. Not just my hubbie and new baby. But my parents and siblings and cousins and aunts and aunts and second cousins and great aunts and uncles. Oh, and my in-laws! Yes, even my in-laws! I have a big family. A really big family. It’s so big that every time there is a big family gathering (wedding or birthday), there is at least one person among the crowd that I do not know. It’s so hard to remember everyone’s name and birthdays.

So here’s the plan:

Update my Yahoo reminder with Birthdays of all family members that I talk to.
Start an online family tree so I know who is who.

3. Friends. I have to shamefully admit that I have been bad with keeping in touch with my old friends and classmates. Some years I’ll send a Christmas Card and some years I won’t. I rarely send birthday cards. Heck, I don’t even know or remember some of my friend’s birthdays!

So here’s the plan:

Update Friendster, FaceBook, MySpace etc. social networking accounts and find old friends and classmates.
Update Yahoo reminder with Birthday reminders.
Update address book with updated mailing addresses.

4. Make Mo’ Money Online. Currently, I’m making a measly $10 / day online. I want to make more (who doesn’t?). I am going to make more. My goal for 2008 is not to double that. Not triple it either. I don’t even want to quadruple that. I want to work towards a goal of making 10 times more than that! I want to make $100 per day online.

So here’s the plan:

Work on more projects this year. I may work on more as I complete these projects, but as for now, my 2008 projects are:

I already am selling the Citizenship Test Guide on eBay. The sales volume is increasing. It’s too bad that the naturalization test is changing this October. So I need to update the CD for 2008 forward.
I have the Baby Lullaby CD that I created (see my sidebar: One Dozen Baby Lullabies). I just need to upload it and actually sell that sucker. I need to get it listed on eBay, Amazon.com, and other online retail stores.
Potty Training Handbook.
I’m currently working hard to launch a baby tips/parenting newletter called Gagazine (http://www.gagazine.com). I’ll be launching it in a few weeks. For the time being, it will be offered for free in email format. My plan is to distribute a hard copy of it via direct mail. To sign up for the free newsletter, click here: Baby & Parenting Newsletter
Do more blogging. I need to post at least twice a week onto this blog. I’m not talking about just stories off the top of my head. Rather, quality articles that you can walk away with thinking, “Wow, that was helpful” or “What a great article!” So, I’m creating another category in this blog for Money Matters. In addition to talking about Baby, Pregnancy, and Parenting, I will also offer tips on how to make more money, save money, reduce debt, and the like. I think as a parent, we all need a little extra cash for diapers, formula, clothes, etc.

Well, Year 2008, I hope you’re listening to me because I’m ready for a prolific, successful, and fulfiling year!

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Absent Minded after Giving Birth!

Hmmm….

I think I’ve misplaced my keys more than a dozen times the last month. I know I’ve “lost” my cell phone twice as many times as misplacing my keys. And for sure, I’ve forgotten to bring my cell phone with me to work practically every other day. Lately, I’ve been forgetting to pay the bills – something I rarely forget to do since I absolutely hate late fees. And just yesterday, I left my house keys in my mom’s car and locked myself out of my own house. It doesn’t get any better either. This morning, my mom called me at 5:30 am to tell me that I forgot my wallet in her car as well!

So here I am, at 5:31 am driving to work, thinking about all the times I’ve misplaced my belongings. I’m finally realizing that I have become very absent minded since the baby. Why is this happening to me? Surely I’m not getting old?!!?

So here’s my excuse:

My morning routine is now a little more complicated. Husband just returned to work so I’m running around more often. More things are on my mind. Wake up at 4:00 am, feed him if he’s awake, change him, wipe his face, mix 3 bottle of formula for my husband to bring to my mom (my mom baby sits), wash up, get dressed, and go to work.
It’s my last week of work before the company has a shut down for the holidays (yes, the company will be shutting down until Jan 3, 2008. Lucky me!). So I’m trying to get a lot of things done at work before we shut down.
It’s the holidays! Who doesn’t get stressed out during this time of the year? All the planning, the shopping, the baking, and the cooking. By the time we meet for our family Christmas dinner, my smiles are forced. The only good thing that ever really comes out of it is that the 405 freeway is much lighter so the drive home is nice.
With the baby around, how do you expect me to find time to clean the house? My house is a mess, making it even more difficult to find things.
Even if I do have the time, where do I find the energy to clean? By 10 pm, I can barely keep my eyes open.
I have been really busy working on a new project. I’m going to be launching a baby newsletter soon. Things have been really hectic lately trying to get it together and hope to have my first issue by mid January 2008. Get a free lullabye CD for subscribing! (Ok, so this is a little strange since I’m self promoting, but hey! I’ve got sell my newsletter somehow somewhere, right?). Although the newsletter is not quite ready yet, you can still pre-subsribe. Click here: BabyWriter

anyways, these are just my excuses for being so darn forgetful, so darn absent minded! So, what’s your excuse?

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The Love Dress

Men, don’t ever tell this joke to your wives after she has given birth! She might look a little flabby so she may be a little sensitive! But all in all, this is a funny joke…

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son’s house.
She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing,
and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work, ” the daughter-in-law answered.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love Dress? But your naked!” the mother-in-law repeated.

“My husband loves me to wear this dress, ” she cooed. “When he sees it, he instantly becomes romantic.

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered and put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress, ” she whispered, sensually.

“Needs ironing, ” he said. “What’s for dinner?”

His funeral will be held this coming Thursday, closed casket.

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My Pregnancy Depression

It’s no wonder pregnant women go through depression. I finally understand.

I really didn’t think I was going through it. I really thought I was just bored out of my mind being home with almost nothing to do. I eat, sleep, and play Yahoo Literati online. That’s pretty much my day. When I’m feeling down, and when my eyes let a tear or two drop, I tell myself that it’s really not depression. I’m just bored. In retrospect, I think I was just in denial.

It wasn’t until yesterday that I came to a realization that it was depression. I cried myself to sleep in the afternoon. And no one knew. Not even my husband. Earlier in the day, my sister said something to me that got me thinking. Later in the day, my husband said something else to me that made me realized that I have been going through a little bit of depression.

I’ve been wanting to hit the malls or other baby stores just to window shop. It would make me happy as it would give me something to do. You know, make my hours of the day go by faster. And as a bonus, I would be doing a lot of walking – something that is supposed to help your labor come sooner. Of course, my husband doesn’t trust me going alone, and he hates shopping. So I rely on my little sister to take me around for a few hours. The thing is, I have to wait until the weekends because she’s in San Diego so she comes home only on the weekends. So I wait. I should’ve known that she doesn’t want to hang out with a pregnant woman. Who does, right? She’s got better things to do, like hang out with her own friends. So even she is reluctant to take me out.

Sigh. Two people that I thought I could count on in making me happy and helping me get my daily exercise in failed me. OK, fine. Of course, my husband volunteers reluctantly to take me. I mean, everytime I ask, he always moans and groans about it and gives me this sour face. So even if he volunteers, I tell him to forget it. Why drag him around unwillingly, right? Why can’t he just put on a fake smile and voluteer? He knows it will make me happy for the rest of the day AND I wouldn’t be sitting on my ass all day. (So thank you Mr. Hubby for contributing to my 53 pound weight gain)

Anyhow, yesterday was my aunt’s 70th birthday party and I really didn’t want to go. I didn’t feel like socializing. I mean, I am due ANY DAY now. My sister said to me, “Lately, you’ve been so antisocial.” She’s right. I’ve been antisocial.

Later that day, my husband said to me, “No one wants to hang out with you.” What a jack ass thing to say, huh? As if I wasn’t already feeling down.

That’s when I realized that I am depressed. Heck, it is boring at home! And it’s true…I can’t seem to rely on anyone to make me happy. Not my friends, not my family, not even my husband sometimes. I feel so alone.

The good thing is, I acknowledge the fact that I am a little depressed. Now I can watch myself and make sure that I, and I alone, don’t spiral further into the depression mode. At least I can watch out for postpartum depression later when I give birth.

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10 Tips for Expectant Fathers

It’s really difficult for expectant fathers to relate exactly to what mothers-to-be are going through. After all, they are not the ones going through the mood swings, the depression, the uncomfortableness of carrying that big “watermelon” around, the back aches, the swollen feet…well, you get the picture. And because it’s hard to relate, expecting fathers have to be really understanding and patient. Throughout my pregnancy, there are 10 things that I either wish my husband did for me or did do for me that really helped.

Be involved. Read the pregnancy book together so you can understand what is going on with her body and what stage the baby is in. Go to the doctor’s appointments with her. Make decisions together. Shop for baby stuff together. It will give you a better insight on what is going on in her body and she will appreciate the time you are spending with her. Understanding her will also clear up misunderstandings between you two.
Offer to help with chores around the house. Fatigue often creeps up on the mother to be. Her body is changing to support a baby so it can take a lot of energy out of her. Doing the dishes, cooking, sweeping the floor, doing the laundry, or even picking up the stuff she dropped off the floor (especially in the later months of pregnancy when bending down is difficult) can help her a lot.
Massage her often and rub her swollen feet. Her hips, shoulders, and back will ache. Her feet will swell everyday. Be sensitive to that and try to help alleviate the pains by massaging her, even if it’s only for a few short minutes.
Love and appreciate her changing body. She may hate her own body now that her belly has grown so big. She’s gained lots of weight and those stretch marks are ugly. But you have to still love her body. Remember, it’s only temporary. Take time to especially appreciate the belly because your baby is growing inside. Spend a few minutes every night talking to the baby or rubbing her belly or kissing it.
Her skin may be very dry. Offer to help rub lotion on her back, legs, and feet (and give a quick massage while you’re at it). She will appreciate it very much!
Understand that sex may be the last thing on her mind – for a long while. Once again, her body is changing fast.
Help her fight depression if she is going through it. 1 out of 10 pregnant women suffer some form of depression during pregnancy. If you notice that she’s constantly sad or always want to be alone, she may be starting to feel depressed. Offer to take her out or do an activity that she enjoys together such as a nice dinner or shopping – even if you hate it. Not only will it cheer her up, but it can also help battle postpartum depression. Those that suffer from antepartum depression are more likely to suffer postpartum depression.
It’s best that she eats a healthy diet. Help her by eating healthy yourself. This can help steer her cravings away from junk food. In addition, do lots of light exercises together. Take after dinner strolls together. Getting her heart pumping blood throughout her body is good for her and the baby (and yourself as well!).
Have the route to the hospital planned out or memorized. Her water might suddenly break or her contractions are only 3 minutes apart. Either way, you will be the one driving her to the hospital. Your brain cells may not be working correctly because you’re too nervous or panicky or worried about your screaming wife.
No matter what, do not leave her while she is in labor and/or the delivery room. Your grandkids will even hear the story of how you left her.

Although these things seem demanding, and you may feel like you’re treating her like a little princess, don’t forget that this is something you two should be going through together. Understanding her will make the 9 months go smoother for both of you. Remember, it’s only temporary.

For more great tips, purchase this book. I bought one for my husband.

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